I've noticed a trend on social media lately that makes me cringe - negative self talk. If your goal is weight loss you are never going to accomplish that goal if you keep minimizing your accomplishments. We as a society love to beat ourselves up over things we do "wrong". STOP IT! You will never have a life you love if you continually berate yourself for your perceived short comings.
You do NOT have to go to a gym to be physically active. Let me repeat: you do NOT have to go to a gym to be physically active. To be physically active all you have to do is to move. Cleaning the house is being physically active. Get out of the house and doing something active. Walks are physically active. Have fun, make it a game. The point is to move. It doesn't matter what you do, just get up and move!
Okay, so maybe you weren't as physically active as you committed to, so what. It doesn't make you wrong, a failure, or lazy, it's just what happened. Stop beating yourself up over it. You can't change what you've already done. You broke your word, you broke your commitment, that is it.
But, did you actually brake your commitment?!
I'd like you to consider the possibility that you never actually committed to your goals in the first place. It's easy to think you've made a commitment to going to the gym 5 times this week but did you really make that commitment? Unless you take action, you have not made a commitment.
How can you take action?
I believe the ultimate action you can take to any commitment is to share your goal with others and ask them to hold you accountable. It's action and you are enrolling others in helping you. Remember we are not meant to live life in isolation. You could also write down what you are committed to. I believe this works for the day to day things that everyone has in life but I strongly believe that the big life transforming commitments need to be communicated with others.
Commitment takes action and thoughts are not actions. If you told yourself you were going to go to the gym 5 times last week, you only thought about going to the gym 5 times last week. You didn't never actually committed to it.
Really think about this.
Did you commit or did you think about committing? Chances are you are beating yourself up over something you never committed to in the first place. That's crazy!
Commitment = honoring your word + taking action. It's a simple formula yet we tend to make it difficult.
I'm challenging you to take action. I'm challenging you to share with others what you are committed to and ask them to hold you accountable. I'm asking you to honor your word and follow through on your commitments.
I'll start. I have not food prepped this week so I'm committed to cooking at least one meal tonight. I commit to updating you tomorrow on whether I honored my word to take action and I ask you to hold me accountable for this commitment.
What are you committed to?
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Thursday, July 10, 2014
What Being an Active Avoider Gets Me
I've been avoiding the dreaded blood work for almost a full year. Being diabetic I'm supposed to be getting my A1c levels checked every three months. For those of you who aren't diabetic and have no clue what an A1c level is or why it's important let me explain. Most people probably know that diabetics are supposed to check their blood sugar regularly. I do not. Never have. The A1c measures how your glucose (blood sugar) levels are been overall for the last three months. An average non diabetic person should have an A1c of 5.7 or less. A little over three years ago my A1c level was considered out of control at a 7.2. As I started exercising and eating healthy I was able to drop that from the high of 7.2 to 5.6. That was in the non diabetic range.
Last year around this time I finally got up enough nerve to check my levels and I was at a 5.8. I felt like I dodged a bullet. Yes, it went up but I wasn't taking my medication and I had stopped eating healthy. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough for me to change my ways. In fact my eating got worse and my exercise has been is stops and spurts over the last year do to various injuries. Needless to say I was afraid to see what I had done to my blood work. Many people tried to let me that avoiding the tests wouldn't change the results and it was better to know but I didn't want to hear it.
Last year I was at the start of my slide back into my old ways and my blood work came back really good. My cholesterol was good. My blood sugar levels were good. I never thought oh good I can just keep doing what I'm doing and I'll keep getting these results. No, my blood work went from excellent to just good in a relatively short amount of time. When I started on my weight loss journey all of my blood work was horrible. Logic says if I go back to my old ways the old horrible blood work will return. I knew that but I couldn't make myself care.
Over the last year I've gained 50 pounds. Over the last two years I've gained 90 pounds. I had lost exactly 100 pounds and then the very next week started gaining the weight back and haven't stopped. Statistically speaking I guess I'm doing better than a lot of people who lose weight. It has taken me two years to gain 90 pounds instead of a year of less to regain all of my weight and then some.
Back to my A1c levels. They are now at 6.8. My new family doctor says that's good. I'm a well controlled diabetic but as I told him that is not good. I was in the normal range for a non diabetic and now I'm just 0.2 points lower than the 7.0 or less they want to see for a diabetic. That's not acceptable to me. I worked my butt off to get my levels down to non diabetic range. Oh and my cholesterol? High once again. I was scolded at my last cardiologist appointment for having just good cholesterol so I can't imagine this is going to go over well.
That's the back news. The good news is now none of this matters. It's that the big question that I'm avoiding and fearing the worst. What matters is what I do for this moment on. You can bet I'm not happy with what I learned today and it will motivate me to do better. The good news is I've already started doing better. A few blog posts back I said I was going to stop trying to lose weight and I have. I'm improving my lifestyle choices and it finally seems to be working. In the last week I've lost 5.6 pounds. I haven't done anything special. I haven't worked out one time. I haven't counted calories. I've simply started being mindful of what I'm eating, why I'm eating it, and how much I'm eating.
I'm choosing to get my blood work redone in 3 months like I'm supposed to. You can bet my blood work will be better. I'm tired of avoiding my life. The only way I'm going to get where I want in my life is if I'm active participant in my life. Up until now I've mostly just been a passive observer. No, that's not right I've been an active avoider. I've known I haven't been doing the right things for most of my life but I've used food and other things to help me avoid thinking about these things. No more!
Last year around this time I finally got up enough nerve to check my levels and I was at a 5.8. I felt like I dodged a bullet. Yes, it went up but I wasn't taking my medication and I had stopped eating healthy. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough for me to change my ways. In fact my eating got worse and my exercise has been is stops and spurts over the last year do to various injuries. Needless to say I was afraid to see what I had done to my blood work. Many people tried to let me that avoiding the tests wouldn't change the results and it was better to know but I didn't want to hear it.
Last year I was at the start of my slide back into my old ways and my blood work came back really good. My cholesterol was good. My blood sugar levels were good. I never thought oh good I can just keep doing what I'm doing and I'll keep getting these results. No, my blood work went from excellent to just good in a relatively short amount of time. When I started on my weight loss journey all of my blood work was horrible. Logic says if I go back to my old ways the old horrible blood work will return. I knew that but I couldn't make myself care.
Over the last year I've gained 50 pounds. Over the last two years I've gained 90 pounds. I had lost exactly 100 pounds and then the very next week started gaining the weight back and haven't stopped. Statistically speaking I guess I'm doing better than a lot of people who lose weight. It has taken me two years to gain 90 pounds instead of a year of less to regain all of my weight and then some.
Back to my A1c levels. They are now at 6.8. My new family doctor says that's good. I'm a well controlled diabetic but as I told him that is not good. I was in the normal range for a non diabetic and now I'm just 0.2 points lower than the 7.0 or less they want to see for a diabetic. That's not acceptable to me. I worked my butt off to get my levels down to non diabetic range. Oh and my cholesterol? High once again. I was scolded at my last cardiologist appointment for having just good cholesterol so I can't imagine this is going to go over well.
That's the back news. The good news is now none of this matters. It's that the big question that I'm avoiding and fearing the worst. What matters is what I do for this moment on. You can bet I'm not happy with what I learned today and it will motivate me to do better. The good news is I've already started doing better. A few blog posts back I said I was going to stop trying to lose weight and I have. I'm improving my lifestyle choices and it finally seems to be working. In the last week I've lost 5.6 pounds. I haven't done anything special. I haven't worked out one time. I haven't counted calories. I've simply started being mindful of what I'm eating, why I'm eating it, and how much I'm eating.
I'm choosing to get my blood work redone in 3 months like I'm supposed to. You can bet my blood work will be better. I'm tired of avoiding my life. The only way I'm going to get where I want in my life is if I'm active participant in my life. Up until now I've mostly just been a passive observer. No, that's not right I've been an active avoider. I've known I haven't been doing the right things for most of my life but I've used food and other things to help me avoid thinking about these things. No more!
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Strong Suits and Straight Jackets
This post is little bit of spiritual, mixed with a little bit of a class I just took, mixed with an emotional breakdown. Some of you may know that I've been having problems with my right leg. Yes, that would be the same side I had my foot surgery on last year. I haven't been able to get back to where I was pre-surgery. My muscles are tight and nothing I've tried has helped.
My trip to Disneyland in May was the last straw. My calf cramped on the drive up and by two hours into my first trip to Disneyland I could barely walk. I did what any unreasonable person would do - I continued to abuse my leg despite being in excruciating pain. I know I was cranky but honest I was less cranky than I was feeling in my head. Looking back it's kind of crazy what I was willing to endure in the name of having "fun". Don't get me wrong the trip was fun but it was also a form of torture. It's not the kind of pain that has gone away with rest and it's not the kind of pain I'd ever felt before. I don't think my foot surgery hurt as bad as I was hurting at Disneyland.
Fast forward a little over a month later and I'm still dealing with some major pain issues. I've been diagnosed with acute Achilles tendonitis in both legs but the pain just kept intensifying until I ended up going to urgent care and then the emergency room to check for blood clots. Thankfully I do not have any blood clots. Next stop was my family doctor who said he didn't think I had Achilles tendonitis, he thought it was in my knee. (I think he's wrong). The family doctor in turn is sending me to a specialist, which I'm excited about. My right side hasn't been right since my surgery 10 months ago.
Anywho that's the background on what led up to my emotional breakdown. My emotional breakdown happened last week. I was feeling very much like I was in a no win situation. I know my pain is being magnified by my weight but any exercise I've tried to do has aggravated my pain issue. I needed to take some garbage to the dumpster and a new symptom just started a few days earlier that was making it extremely painful to walk. My friend offered to help me, but me being me, I said no thanks. I managed to get to the dumpster no where near fairly pain free. Half way there I wanted to quit. My leg was killing me but me being me, I pressed on. When I finally made it to the dumpster, the tears were flowing involuntarily. I just wanted someone to come and help me but I knew that wasn't an option so I started the slow journey back to my place.
As I got half way back to my place my knee locked up and shot pain that I had never felt before. Now I'm standing in the middle of the parking lot just sobbing. I really wanted to just lay down and let a car run me over. Unfortunately, it usually takes moments when I'm completely drained and have no fight left in me to ask Heavenly Father to help me. I'm sure I looked insane. I'm standing in the middle of the parking lot sobbing and saying out loud that "I can't do this anymore, please help me. Please help me endure the pain. Please help me fix this.". The words that came to my mind were that I needed to stop being prideful. I have low self esteem. I'm not prideful. Ah, but I am.
In the class I just took it talked about how when situations happen in everyone's life it makes them develop a strong suit to overcome that negative event. It's good because it helps you get through life but it also becomes like a straight jacket. I didn't quite get this until I realized I am prideful. My strong suit is being independent. I don't need anyone. I can take care of myself, even when I know I need help. I refuse to swallow my pride and ask for help. To me it's always been a sign of weakness to need help but I'm accepting that everyone needs help every once in a while.
My independence is like a straight jacket because I refuse to accept help. I want to prove that I can do everything myself even though I can't. I could barely walk but I didn't need any help. I could take the garbage out myself. I don't need any help trying to adopt a healthy lifestyle. I KNOW what to do so I just need to do it.
When I was actually losing weight it was because I made a conscious choice to swallow my pride and listen to what Patrick was telling me to do. Then I got a bug up my butt about needing to do it on my own and have since gained back all 100 pounds I lost. That's working really well for me. I am on occasion willing to admit that I need support but it usually doesn't last long. The thought that I'm weak and I need to do it on my own quickly takes over and I completely disregard any help I've asked for and have been given. That has to be very frustrating for people. If I've done that to you, I apologize.
Once I actually thought about the ways I'm prideful I realized it is completely holding me back. It's good to be independent but it truly does become like a straight jacket when it is taken too far. I've started being aware of when I say no I don't need help. Like the other day at church. I'm using crutches on and off to help manage my pain until I can get in to see the specialist. I was using my crutches and I had a heavy bag for my primary lesson and another bag. I'm trying to carry these, use the crutches, and walk at the same time. Someone asked if I needed help. Of course I said nope I'm good. Then I paused and realized I was being unreasonable so I took the person up on her offer to help me. You know it made the long walk into church so much easier.
I was reminded that Heavenly Father is always there to help me but I have to be willing to ask and expect an answer. I have trouble with the expecting an answer. I'm ask but I tend to feel like that help is reserved for someone better than I am. I feel like I need to hit these low moments in my life to truly be open to being helped. I don't know what is going to happen with this latest set back but I do know that if I'm going to get through it to the best of my ability I'm going to have to swallow my pride and accept help.
My trip to Disneyland in May was the last straw. My calf cramped on the drive up and by two hours into my first trip to Disneyland I could barely walk. I did what any unreasonable person would do - I continued to abuse my leg despite being in excruciating pain. I know I was cranky but honest I was less cranky than I was feeling in my head. Looking back it's kind of crazy what I was willing to endure in the name of having "fun". Don't get me wrong the trip was fun but it was also a form of torture. It's not the kind of pain that has gone away with rest and it's not the kind of pain I'd ever felt before. I don't think my foot surgery hurt as bad as I was hurting at Disneyland.
Fast forward a little over a month later and I'm still dealing with some major pain issues. I've been diagnosed with acute Achilles tendonitis in both legs but the pain just kept intensifying until I ended up going to urgent care and then the emergency room to check for blood clots. Thankfully I do not have any blood clots. Next stop was my family doctor who said he didn't think I had Achilles tendonitis, he thought it was in my knee. (I think he's wrong). The family doctor in turn is sending me to a specialist, which I'm excited about. My right side hasn't been right since my surgery 10 months ago.
Anywho that's the background on what led up to my emotional breakdown. My emotional breakdown happened last week. I was feeling very much like I was in a no win situation. I know my pain is being magnified by my weight but any exercise I've tried to do has aggravated my pain issue. I needed to take some garbage to the dumpster and a new symptom just started a few days earlier that was making it extremely painful to walk. My friend offered to help me, but me being me, I said no thanks. I managed to get to the dumpster no where near fairly pain free. Half way there I wanted to quit. My leg was killing me but me being me, I pressed on. When I finally made it to the dumpster, the tears were flowing involuntarily. I just wanted someone to come and help me but I knew that wasn't an option so I started the slow journey back to my place.
As I got half way back to my place my knee locked up and shot pain that I had never felt before. Now I'm standing in the middle of the parking lot just sobbing. I really wanted to just lay down and let a car run me over. Unfortunately, it usually takes moments when I'm completely drained and have no fight left in me to ask Heavenly Father to help me. I'm sure I looked insane. I'm standing in the middle of the parking lot sobbing and saying out loud that "I can't do this anymore, please help me. Please help me endure the pain. Please help me fix this.". The words that came to my mind were that I needed to stop being prideful. I have low self esteem. I'm not prideful. Ah, but I am.
In the class I just took it talked about how when situations happen in everyone's life it makes them develop a strong suit to overcome that negative event. It's good because it helps you get through life but it also becomes like a straight jacket. I didn't quite get this until I realized I am prideful. My strong suit is being independent. I don't need anyone. I can take care of myself, even when I know I need help. I refuse to swallow my pride and ask for help. To me it's always been a sign of weakness to need help but I'm accepting that everyone needs help every once in a while.
My independence is like a straight jacket because I refuse to accept help. I want to prove that I can do everything myself even though I can't. I could barely walk but I didn't need any help. I could take the garbage out myself. I don't need any help trying to adopt a healthy lifestyle. I KNOW what to do so I just need to do it.
When I was actually losing weight it was because I made a conscious choice to swallow my pride and listen to what Patrick was telling me to do. Then I got a bug up my butt about needing to do it on my own and have since gained back all 100 pounds I lost. That's working really well for me. I am on occasion willing to admit that I need support but it usually doesn't last long. The thought that I'm weak and I need to do it on my own quickly takes over and I completely disregard any help I've asked for and have been given. That has to be very frustrating for people. If I've done that to you, I apologize.
Once I actually thought about the ways I'm prideful I realized it is completely holding me back. It's good to be independent but it truly does become like a straight jacket when it is taken too far. I've started being aware of when I say no I don't need help. Like the other day at church. I'm using crutches on and off to help manage my pain until I can get in to see the specialist. I was using my crutches and I had a heavy bag for my primary lesson and another bag. I'm trying to carry these, use the crutches, and walk at the same time. Someone asked if I needed help. Of course I said nope I'm good. Then I paused and realized I was being unreasonable so I took the person up on her offer to help me. You know it made the long walk into church so much easier.
I was reminded that Heavenly Father is always there to help me but I have to be willing to ask and expect an answer. I have trouble with the expecting an answer. I'm ask but I tend to feel like that help is reserved for someone better than I am. I feel like I need to hit these low moments in my life to truly be open to being helped. I don't know what is going to happen with this latest set back but I do know that if I'm going to get through it to the best of my ability I'm going to have to swallow my pride and accept help.
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