How the Gospel Changed My Life

About a month or so ago I was asked to share my testimony of how the gospel has changed my life in Relief Society. I thought I'd share it here as well.

To say the gospel has changed my life would be an understatement.  It has given me two things that I never had before - hope and peace.  President Smith talks about how he's seen the gospel change people. How he's seen people who were discouraged, living in darkness, and those that were questioning the purpose of their being become happy and content and that has definately been my experience. I had no hope that things could be better. The only thing I wanted was a sense of peace, that my life wasn't a mistake, that there was a reason I was alive and I had never felt that. Not of lack of trying. I always somehow knew that peace could only come from God but I had no idea how to have a relationship with him. I went to many different churches over the years and in the end I was left with the same feeling of despair, that it wasn't right and I didn't belong. I thought maybe it was me. Maybe I wasn't capable of letting God in. It's a very lonley
place. It's a very hopeless place. Then, I was introduced to the gospel. I don't remember what I was reading in the Book of Mormon but I do remember that undeniable sense of calmness and peace that I felt for the first time. I knew instantly that felling was what I was looking for. The difference of how I felt could be compared to being in the middle of a raging storm where you're just struggling to survive and then the storm breaks and everything is just calm and still. It's a very comforting feeling and it's a feeling that has become stronger. The gospel has given me hope and the assurance that there is a purpose for my life. To go through this experience, to know what it's like to go from living in that dark empty place, to knowing what it's like to feel peace and contentment is life changing. To have felt that change left me no doubt that this church is true.

Confidence Killer

I've lost my sense of peace. I've been doing really well the last month and a half. I've been in a really good place.  Yesterday I was told I've lost weight but it's not as much as expected. I should be happy that I've lost weight (I have no idea how much) but it killed my confidence. My biggest fear is that I'm not capable of losing weight and keeping it off on my own. When I stopped weighing in I knew it was a risk but now I'm feeling the weight of that decision. I have 61 more days until I'm supposed to weigh in again. I don't want to get to the end of those days and find out I've barely lost weight.  I'm trying to focus on all the things I've done right the last month and a half. I really am.  I want the things that I've done right to outweigh the one thing that hasn't gone right.

I'm not going to lie to myself and say that I have no idea why the weigh loss is less than expected because my water in take has been up and down and my eating hasn't been great. Don't get me wrong it's been ok but just not great. I need to do better. I don't want to let my fear of failure make me choose not to finish what I've started. I stopped weighing in for a reason. I wanted to concentrate on doing the right things and let the weight take care of itself. I have been doing great things. I've made great accomplishments but I haven't been doing all I can do with the eating and water. I stopped doing my meal logs and I haven't been consistent on eating. I started writing down what I've been eating again today. I know I should have been doing that anyway regardless of whether I send those to Patrick. It's so easy to kid myself that what I've been eating isn't that bad but if I see it in black and white then it's easier to see whether or not that is actually true.

Really this shouldn't kill my confidence because I KNOW I haven't been doing what I need to do consistently enough. I've been worried for weeks now that I wasn't making progress and it turns out with good reason. I don't want this to get to me. I just need to start doing the things I know will get me results - drinking water consistently, eating every 3 hours, and writing down what I'm eating.  I'm not going to let this derail all of the progress I've made. I've been in a positive mood now for a month and a half. I haven't had a binge in a month and a half. Both of these things are huge for me. I just need to focus on this and make the adjustments I need to make and trust that it will be enough to produce results.