I've had a rough last couple of days. I've been feeling so down in the dumps. I've been going to a trainer to lose weight and I've been thinking that I'm just wasting my time. So much so that I skipped my session yesterday. My trainer called me and of course I didn't answer. I did listen to his message though and I did text him back today that I would be there tomorrow after work. This is the second time that he has gotten me to keep going. I really wanted to give up and it's nice that he's trying to keep me from quitting.
I started my first real session with the eating disorder counselor today and she gave me things to work on. She said I have a new rule I'm not allowed to eat fast food ever except for Subway 1 time a week and no eating out period for a while. She said it's not to say that I can never have fast food again but I'm not allowed to have it until I am at my goal weight and then only when she says even if it is 5 years for now.
She said the reason for this is because I need to accept that I don't have the ability to say no right now to unhealthy food choices and I need to break my emotional connection to food. She said that by making it totally off limits I just know that is something I can't do so it won't set me up for making the wrong unhealthy choice if I had the choice of going there and eating healthy,.
I'm also supposed to grocery shop on Saturday and then go home and prepare all of the food for the week. I'm supposed to put it in bags or containers and label the day of the week it is for.
Right now I just need to concentrate on cooking and not worry so much about what I am eating but to try to keep it reasonable. Meaning don't buy a bag of chips.
I think it made me feel a little more hopeful than when I went in. I was pretty down about blowing my eating when I went to San Diego this weekend and she said that I'm not allowed to get down on myself if I slip up anymore. She said I need to figure out why I ate and look at it as an opportunity to grow instead of beating myself up about it.
I like that she is giving me something small to focus on like just eating at home because truthfully that will be a huge step for me. She also said that I need to add up all the money I spent on eating out and then all of the money I spent buying groceries and then at the end of the month I'm supposed to buy myself something or go on a trip. I'm allowed to do anything with it accept buy something food related or pay off debts with it. She said right now I need to reward myself and focus on meeting my goals.
I'm also supposed to get people on board with helping me make the right decisions and limit contact with anyone who is willing to enable my bad habits. I was telling the counselor about how I went to San Diego and my friend was like your on vacation your supposed to cheat on vacation. I totally acknowledged that it was still my choice but I didn't make the right choices. That's when she said that I just need to realize that I don't have the ability to say no right now and that is why I need to not eat out at all.
I get what she is saying about eating out when she said I can't eat out until I can take it or leave it. Right now eating out has taken over my life. I'm too tired to cook, oh I'll eat out and I'll cook tomorrow but tomorrow never comes. I hate eating out all of the time it makes me feel lazy because tomorrow never comes. I'd really like to get to the point where I'd rather eat in than run by any fast food joint and pick something up.
I'm feeling a little better about things.
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