Around this time of the year I find myself wondering about the man that caused the accident that killed my mom and step dad. I wonder if he still thinks about it. I wonder if he thinks about the lives that he forever altered almost 14 years ago. I wonder if it is wrong of me to have empathy for this man who caused this accident. I truly believe that this was an accident and I hope that the guy isn't beating himself up over what happened, it's just I wonder sometimes.
I struggled with having empathy and compassion for this man right after the accident happened because this man killed, although by accident, my mom and step dad. Why would I care how he felt? Was I being disloyal toward my mom and step-dad for having empathy for this man? Was there something wrong with me? Shouldn't I have wanted justice? That seems to be the way society works. Someone must pay, but I couldn't help but feel for this man. I imagined myself in his place and I just didn't know how I'd be able to live with myself if I had been the one who had caused this accident.
I did have my moments of anger at this man years later when I saw the pain it caused my sister to lose both of her parents. I was angry at him. I wondered if he realized the destruction he left in his wake. The lives that his actions forever altered. I was also angry with this man because he took away my chance to ever know my mom. I will always have questions that will never have answers.
It took a long time to come full circle with the man that caused the accident but I finally did get back to empathy for him.
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