"Scriptures can calm an agitated soul"

Sometimes I can hear something but it just doesn't register, then I can hear it again on a different day, and it makes me take note of how profoundly true those words are. This happened to me at church today. Brother Mike Hixon was speaking on the importance of scriptures in our lives and he read a quote from Elder Richard G;. Scott that said, "Scriptures can calm an agitated soul."

Wow, that caught my attention because I know the truth of that statement. I had heard Elder Scott give this talk at the general conference in October but I didn't really give it much thought until today. Maybe it was because I had just joined the church a few weeks prior to this talk or maybe it is because in the months since I have come to understand the truth of those words.

When I got home today I wanted to read the entire "Power of Scriptures" talk that Elder Scott gave and the entire quote that contained those words rang especially true to me today. He says, "Pondering a passage of Scripture can be a key to unlock revelation and the guidance and inspiration of the Holy Ghost. Scriptures can calm an agitated soul, giving peace, hope, and a restoration of confidence in one's ability to overcome the challenges of life. They have the potent power to heal emotional challenges when there is faith in the Savior. They can accelerate physical healing."

Wow! I can tell you without a doubt that every word he spoke is true. What he said here is ultimately how I came to know that the church is true and it is why I joined the church. I did not come to this understanding without a lot of effort because while I've always known that there is a God, I had never believed that God loved me. How could God possibly love me when He is the one who allowed me to be all alone in this world. Surely a loving Father wouldn't allow that. Although I would never acknowledge it I had been angry with God most of my life and as a result had been depressed, angry, and my spirit was restless - I had an agitated soul.

I'm grateful that I never convinced myself that there was no God. I couldn't even if I wanted to because I saw him in other people. I could feel his spirit in other people. I could see these people had a peace about them that I longed for, however I didn't know how to have that peace. I did know that the answer to my problems would be found if only I could find some way to have trust and faith in God, but I had no idea how to trust anyone.

A little over a year ago began one of the most challenging times in my life. After months and months of going through physical and emotional turmoil I was exhausted both physical and emotionally. I didn't want to go on and so I did the only thing I had left to do - I prayed. I said that I'd always heard that He didn't give us more than we can handle and that I couldn't take anymore. That I couldn't live like I was living anymore and that I knew that He wanted me to do something with my life and if that was true to please help me. I acknowledged that I had no idea how to trust him and I couldn't do it on my own. Not even a week later I had a conversation that changed my life. This person started talking to me about his church - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As he was talking I thought to myself, "Mormon huh, didn't see that coming." I KNEW as soon as he started talking that God had answered my prayer.

I knew a little about Mormon's because I work with quite a few of them. I have always seen the Spirit very strong in them but I had never really considered looking into what they believe. I was hesitant to learn more about the Mormon faith because of what I knew. I knew that they like to send missionaries over to your house to teach you the gospel, I knew that you had to go to a ward in your neighborhood at an assigned time, I knew that it was small and everyone seemed to know each other, and I knew the worst thing of all - they make the members of the church stand up in front of everyone and give the weekly talk. No way was I going to have any part of a church that makes you get up in front of people and talk! However, I had asked for help and this is the help that I got, so I decided to first go to the visitor's center and then later to meet with the missionaries & learn more about the church.

The missionaries asked me to read the Book of Mormon which I did but it was just words on a page. It had no significance. It was a good story and nothing more. Every time we would meet the missionaries would ask me what I felt and I'd say the same thing over and over - nothing. I knew I should feel something and that was starting to make me feel like I was hopeless - doomed forever to feel dead inside and incapable of trusting God. Then they suggested I pray and ask God to help me with my understanding, so I did what they asked and I prayed - still nothing. Now I'm thinking that this is pointless and I don't want to do this anymore and honestly the only thing that kept me reading the scriptures was that I knew that his was the help that I had asked for. One night I decided I wasn't going to read the next chapter in the Book of Mormon, I was going to pick some random pages. Before I opened the Book I prayed and asked God to help me learn how to have trust and faith in Him. I opened to Alma Chapter 32. I got to verse 21 "And now as I said concerning faith -- faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true. 22 And now, behold, I say unto you, and I would that ye should remember that God is merciful unto all who believe on his name; therefore he desireth, in the first place, that ye should believe, yea, even on his word."

For the first time I actually connected with something. I was so excited I had to keep reading and I got to verse 26 "Now, as I said concerning faith -- that it was not a perfect knowledge--even so it is with my words. Ye cannot know of their surety at first, unto perfection, any more than faith is a perfect knowledge. 27 But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words." Wow! Seriously?! This was what I was struggling with - how do I have faith? It comforted me to read that you can start with nothing more than a desire to believe because that is all I had. I'll admit I was skeptical as to whether my desire to believe could grow into faith if I would just keep reading and allow myself to believe the words but I knew that this was the path God was leading me down so I decided to accept the words on face value.

After I had finished reading this chapter I had felt a calmness that I had never felt before - it didn't stay long but I had felt it. It was what I needed to hear to know that I was doing this for a reason and that there was a point to all of the aggravation I felt when I read the Book of Mormon I felt the aggravation because I wanted to understand; I wanted to feel something and that understand wasn't coming easy. I was realized that I had finally connected to something I had read, but I still had a hard time connecting to what I was reading. Slowly, I'd get tiny little moments of understanding and after a while those moments started coming more and more frequently, however are still many, many times I feel like the Book of Mormon is written in a foreign language. I couldn't begin to tell you what it says and it leaves me feeling confused, however it is all worth it for those times when it just speaks to me.

In reading the scriptures I found the peace I'd been looking for my entire life. For the first time in my life I felt a calmness and also for the first time I didn't feel alone. I asked God if the Book of Mormon is true and one day I had this feeling of absolute belief that yes it was true. When I decided to join the church it was hard for me to get my friends to understand why I was joining because I'm not good with words and I didn't know how to convey how I felt when I read the scriptures. Some of my friends said I was only joining so I'd have a place to belong. Okay, that was insulting! But true, however for an entirely different reason. It was true, not because of the people, and don't misunderstand the people are great, but it was true because that's where I found God. I know what it is like to live a life without God - it is sad and lonely. It is a life without peace and without hope. It is a life that makes you wish you were dead. It's the kind of loneliness that people can never fill. It's the kind of loneliness and despair that can only be lifted by having a relationship with God. Why would I not want to be a member of the church that God lead me to?

Maybe at the time of the general conference this really didn't hold the significance it does now because I was only getting snippets of the peace and calmness that the scriptures offer, however now that it has been four months since I was baptized I can testify to the truth that the scriptures do in fact calm the agitated soul.