Faith, Integrity, Character, and An Exercise in Self Disipline

Sorry if this post looks weird. I've tried everything to fix it.  Nothing I do changes the formatting.

Early this week I read a General Conference talk by Richard G Scott that really stuck with me.  I think it's because I often struggle with how faith works.  When I read faith paired with character, I got faith in a while new way.

Here's the part from the talk, 'The Transforming Power of Faith and Character' that really stood out to me: "Faith and character are intimately related. Faith in the power of obedience to the commandments of God will forge strength of character available to you in times of urgent need. Such character is not developed in moments of great challenge or temptation. That is when it is intended to be used. Your exercise of faith in true principles builds character; fortified character expands your capacity to exercise more faith. As a result, your capacity and confidence to conquer the trials of life is enhanced. The more your character is fortified, the more enabled you are to benefit from exercising the power of faith. You will discover how faith and character interact to strengthen one another. Character is woven patiently from threads of applied principle, doctrine, and obedience."

I always knew I was a person who struggled with faith. I didn't realize that I'm a person of low character. I am not the most forgiving person to my flaws but I'm not saying this to put myself down. I feel so weak and powerless when I'm tempted. Food is my addiction. There is always an excuse. If my strength of character was strong I'd be able to be confident in myself in the face of temptation. 

I'm also realizing how much more strength I had when I was obedient to certain principles. Non members of the LDS church think certain rules are ridiculous. I'll admit that I agreed with some of that criticism. I thought it was ridiculous that we weren't allowed to watch rated R movies. For the first two years I faithfully abided by that even though I didn't understand it.

Last year there was a movie I really wanted to see so after much back and forth, I decided it was a stupid rule and started watching rated R movies again. I reasoned it was okay because I had so many other struggles to contend with and it wouldn't cost me my temple recommend. That was the beginning of a lot of poor decisions on my part.

The next decision was oh I'll just go to the movies once on Sunday, it will be okay just this once. Just this once turned into not even trying to keep the Sabbath day holy. I'll skip church, just this once, turned into going to church, MAYBE once a month for the last five months.  I'll skip my tithing, just this once, turned into missing an entire year of tithing.

These decisions finally did cost me my temple recommend. I could have lied and said I was keeping the Sabbath day holy, and tithing, and going to church. It would have been between my and Heavenly Father. I get people struggle but I wasn't even trying anymore. I started to believe it was too hard to live this way. For two years it wasn't too hard. I only decided it was to hard when doing what Heavenly Father commands us to do went against what I wanted to do. I knew in my heart I didn't deserve to keep my temple recommend.

I think this is what I needed to understand why we have "ridiculous" rules. When I decided to join the LDS church I agreed to live by the "rules", despite not truly getting why.  Why do we have "rules" to live by? I've heard non members say the rules are controlling and stifling but honestly I felt the most free when I stayed true to the "rules". I felt in control of my life. Life was better. I was developing the strength of character not to let my temptations control me. I wasn't perfect, everyone has struggles, but I was a person I could be proud of. Now before you say I'm being to hard on myself let me explain.

Elder Scott says, "We become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to become each day. Righteous character is a precious manifestation of what you are becoming. Righteous character is more valuable than any material object you own, any knowledge you have gained through study, or any goals you have attained no matter how well lauded by mankind. In the next life your righteous character will be evaluated to assess how well you used the privilege of mortality.

Neither Satan nor any other power can destroy or undermine your growing character. Only you could do that through disobedience. A sterling character is converted into worthless ashes when eroded by deceit or transgression.

Elder Scott goes on to say, "You cannot be passive in life, or in time the natural man will undermine your efforts to live worthily. You become what you do and what you think about."  When I was exercising my faith and acting on what I was asked to do, even though I didn't understand why, I felt powerful. I felt like my life was going in the right direction. I was becoming the person I wanted to be - a person of integrity.  When I started giving into my whims life got harder. I felt that I was doing the wrong things.

I want to be a person of righteous character. It's really made me consider where my bad habits rule my life. I don't want to be ruled by my impulses. I noticed the other day that I have the impulse to pick up my phone constantly. The more I thought about this talk and the more I thought about how my impulses rule my life, I realized I needed to do things differently. 

I decided to do an exercise in self-discipline and step away from constantly needing to be plugged in. At first, I considered just leaving my phone at work until Tuesday but that doesn't help me be more disciplined. It just takes away the temptation. I can't completely remove temptation from my life but I can develop my integrity to strengthen my character.

I decided that I will not call, text, or Facebook anyone for three days and that I need to keep my phone in my possession. Of course I'm going to be smart about it and log out of Facebook and keep my phone in airplane mode as a reminder. 

You might be wondering what this has to do with keeping the commandments. I keep going back to the word of wisdom. As a member of the LDS church I'm asked not to drink coffee or tea, to not do drugs, etc. It's so you don't become addicted to them. I have a food addiction and I'm also weak when faced with temptation.  I'm tempted to pick up my phone all of the time. It's not healthy to feel like my right arm is missing if I leave my phone at home. I don't want to be a slave to my whims. 

I want to be a person of righteous character and that means I have to be willing to put in the effort. There are big things I struggle with. This is a small thing. If I can do this small thing then I can do something bigger the next time.

I'm not sure how this is going to go. Like I said I feel like my right arm is missing when I don't have my phone but I'm committed to seeing it through.