Most people would agree that I tend to over think things, except apparently when it comes to physical pain. I often wonder why I can't remember to think farther than what I want to do when I'm physically injured. Take today for instance.
I haven't been able to do much in the last two weeks because my knee and lower leg have been killing me. When I woke up I didn't have any pain so brilliant me decided I'd walk to church. I was almost there when my achilles tendon started tightening up and my knee started hurting. So of course my next thought is 'what was I thinking?! I have to walk home".
I get about a fourth of the way home and I start thinking about how great it would be just to lay on the ground and let the pain subside...but I press on. About half of the way home I think about how I really felt like crying and not wanting to take one more step...but still I press on. Every step wondering how it is that I can't think about the consequences of my actions when it comes to my injuries. I finally make it to my building and look up the stairs and again contemplate stilling on the stairs - just for a little while. Nope, relief is so close that I must press forward. I open the door and there are obstacles in may way. Of the moving four legged variety. It's times like these that I really wish that they love me less. I mean come on! They just saw me and they act like they haven't seen me in days.
I have relief in my sights and just a few more steps and it takes everything in me to not yell at them to get the heck away from me. Ah, finally made it!
Injuries stink! If you've tried to lose weight then you know that injuries come with the territory, however this particular injury is even more grating. It's not an injury from losing weight, it's an injury from gaining weight. I believe the internet refers to it as a weekend warrior injury. If defines it as a person who spends most of the week sitting at a desk job and then decides to get active on the weekends.
Sad to say but, yes that is me. For the longest time I worked out practically every day. Then I had surgery and I let myself fall back into my old habits. It was a small slide at first with a valid reason for not working out like I used to. I was recovering from surgery. The doctor said to take it easy. When I got the all clear, I felt how far I had fallen. Everything was such effort. I can't blame it all on the surgery because I think the greater pain was being caused from the fact that I gained a lot of weight.
You'd think that would be motivation to get back at it and try to eat healthy and lose weight but you'd be wrong. It's more like inertia. The more you stay entrenched in those old habits the more your brain wants to keep you there - even when your brain and body know exactly why that is the dumbest idea ever. I think my when I get overwhelmed my brain kicks into autopilot and decides it's not going think about it. Ignorance is bliss! Well, except for when I get a rude reminder that I am in pain and really should be trying to do better so I can alleviate the pain.
I'm a very undisciplined person. Why do I continue to sabotage myself when I'm causing myself physical pain? I wanted to workout so much that I was willing to endure a whole lot of pain in my foot. I'd wake up crying because my foot hurt so bad but in the morning I'd get up and do it all over again. I'd push myself until I'd have to crawl across the floor because I couldn't take one more step. I thought I had learned my lesson when I needed to have foot surgery because I wouldn't listen and take it easy.
I'm so quick to give into my temptations when it comes to food but when it comes to being physically active, I continually seek to push myself past the point of tears. I don't put any thought into it. I get something in my head that I really want to do and I just do it, consequences be darned. I don't understand why. Why is it that I feel like I'm being weak by not pushing through physical pain when I that thought doesn't even cross my mind when it comes to giving in to food cravings.
I need to find a healthy balance. I need to learn to think before I act when it comes to physical things and I need to spend less time thinking about emotional struggles and learn to act.
I can't be the only one with this problem! Do you have this problem?!
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