Life's Ups and Downs

I had one horrible week. I was numb most of the week and then  I broke down crying twice. That is so embarrassing but I feel a whole lot better this week. It's strange prior to June of 2011 I can recall 4 times that I broke down and cried in front of people in the last 20 years. Since June of 2011 I've done it 4 times - twice last week. It's crazy!!!! What is the difference you ask? Well in June of last year is when I started investigating the lds church. As I have blogged about in the past reading the scriptures really has helped me a great deal.

I never really truly understood how numb to life I had become until I started reading the scriptures. It was like a dam broke.  Things I told myself I didn't care about, I actually do care about. I had and still have all of these feelings that I don't know what to do with.  I met with Corey last Thursday and she says that I need to work on forgiving myself. She said the brain is a tricky thing, if you hear something long enough you start to believe it. She said every time I start thinking something negative about myself I have to tell myself "no, those are their issues and didn't have anything to do with me".

I think I also got some perspective yesterday.  I realized that maybe it's a good thing that I'm going through this now. I've never been able to lose weight before and if I never had any issues maybe I wouldn't be able to withstand it when it finally happened after I lost all of the weight. I know I wouldn't. I'd see it as I just lost all of this weight and how much do I suck to be gaining it all back and I probably would go off the dead end and gain it all back.  I have to believe, even though this sucks, that each time I go through it I do get stronger and more capable of making this a permanent lifestyle.  I had a pretty bad time last week, I didn't think I'd be able to bounce back from it, but you know what? I did. I'm felt pretty good yesterday. I feel pretty good so far today. I know I can do this. I just have to work through all the issues that keep getting in the way. I'm going to take it one day at a time.