Owning My Choices

I'm just getting back on track after having being on a two week binge. I was off track for three weeks but thankfully only two of those week's were a full on binge because I'd hate to see the scale damage had it been a full 3 week binge. It took my 6 weeks to lose 21 pounds and only a little over two weeks to gain 14 of those pounds back. I've been thinking a lot about what the counselor said about having to own my choices.  She said that if I'm going to eat something I need to own it and right it down. I've been fairly good about that except when it comes to binges. I'm tired of sabotaging myself. People ask what a binge is and I give them the, it's not so bad, short version, but it is that bad.  I want this binge to be the last and it's nagging at me that I am making it easy for myself to continue to do this because I don't own it.  I don't believe the binge would have lasted as long as it did had I done what the counselor suggested a year ago and own my choices by writing them down.

So, I'm going to own my choices now and tell you all what a two week binge looks like. The first week was bad enough but as time went on it became much, much worse. 33 cookies at 230 calories each, 4 pieces of cake, 2 cupcakes, 1 piece of cheese cake, 9 candy bars, 6 frozen yogurts, 2 cups of ice cream, 8 tacos, 2 chicken quesadillas, 2 supreme nachos, 1 movie nacho, 4 servings of chow mien, 2 servings of pork fried rice, 4 servings of orange chicken, 4 egg rolls, 3 orders of french fries, 6 six inch spicy italian subs, 1 bag of cheese popcorn, and 1 medium pizza. I know this isn't all that I ate but it is all that I remember.

You don't have to tell me how horrible this is, I know. The thing is, I feel like I can do it because nobody knows about it and if nobody knows about it, I can hide behind the secrecy. Most of those 14 pounds must be water weight right? Wrong! Well, now I don't have the comfort of nobody knowing to hide behind anymore. If I say I binged you all will know exactly what that means. I want this binge to be the last binge I ever have.