Day 1

In my last post I told you I'm not the person I want to be. That my addiction to food has taken over my life for far too long. It has encouraged me to be the bad friend who is often the first to say let's go eat bad things. I vowed to do better not only for myself but those around me.

The last few days I've been slowly preparing for today. Today was officially Day 1. You may wonder why today was the day and not yesterday for the day before. It's because I want to be a person of integrity and Monday I knew I wouldn't be home until after 11pm and yesterday I had an appointment after work.

So today was the day. My debit cards are gone so that I am not tempted to go out to eat. My food prepping is under way as promised. All in all a successful day with a minor meltdown and a lot of emotions.

At one point I burst into tears and thought to myself, "this is too hard, I can't do it." I felt so angry. I felt powerless. I felt like this is too big of a task. Though I must say that I'm proud of myself for doing the one thing that I struggle to remember when I'm struggling - I prayed.

It help me to remember to stop thinking about all of the tomorrow's to come. Today is all I have.  I was feeling overwhelmed by having to do this day after day. When I feel overwhelmed I want to eat. When I thought about what I had left to do TODAY (grocery shop and food prep), I realized it wasn't too much. I could do that. I did do that!

After I calmed down I felt like a two year old having a temper tantrum. But I also felt how powerful addiction is. I liken it to an all encompassing black hole that I'm drowning in.

I wasn't powerless though. I still did what I said I was going to do. I cooked. I didn't eat fast food. I didn't ask anyone else to eat anything unhealthy. I went grocery shopping. Most importantly I feel like I took some power back.

On to Day 2!